Relationships are like the four seasons, Spring, Summer Autumn, Winter. Men are April when they woo, courting, for they are fresh, with a spring in their step, full of lyrics, life and lies.
But they’re like December when they wed, with no sunshine and warm breeze, but cold, dour, dank and dismal. Maids are like May when they are maids, young, sprightly, fresh and full of flavour and laughter. But the sky changes when they become wives. It gets dark.
That’s The Winter of Discontent that many couples experience when the relationship runs its course and changes from spring through summer autumn and eventually the arctic blast of winter.
At that time, many couples may decide not to ride out the winter together, call it quits, and get a divorce. I explored why women divorce a few months ago. But there’s divorce and there’s divorce.
There are legal fees, dividing up of the assets, finding somewhere else to live, and a general dislocation of everyday life. It doesn’t have to be like that.
There is a new approach to separation that is utterly hassle free, inexpensive and emotionally painless. It’s called the intangible divorce, where couples actually divorce without going through the legality, financial and other upheavals that come with the traditional divorce.
It’s called the intangible, silent or hushed divorce, and while the concept may not be brand new, they now gave it a name. It seems to be a less painful and viable alternative where couples can actually eat their cake and have it too.
The Intangible divorce is a term for a marriage where the partners are emotionally disconnected and live separate lives, though they remain legally married and still live together. It’s not a legal process, but an emotional one, where a couple coexists like roommates, devoid of intimacy, shared experiences or meaningful conversation.
“Well, we both live in the same house, but that’s about it, nothing else.”
There’s emotional disconnection, with the most defining feature being a lack of emotional intimacy and communication. The two people live under the same roof but share nothing together, no exchange of thought, no suggestions, no questions asked.
They both leave for work in the morning and return in the evening with no words spoken between them. Old time people used to call it malice, but in the intangible divorce there is no malice, no bad feeling, no anger, just a cool indifference and aloofness as they pass each other like two ships In the night.
There is no fighting, no quarrelling, no fussing or bickering, no conflict, for both parties have agreed to the terms and conditions of the intangible divorce, so there is no need for actual war, but like The Cold War of many years ago. Just an invisible conflict that had no tangible casualties.
One casualty is intimacy though, for in the intangible divorce there is no romance. How could there be, for romance is supposed to be the binding force that draws couples together, so if romance enters the picture, then the intangible divorce would be in jeopardy. It’s certainly not like friends with benefits, for they aren’t friends and there are no benefits.
But the intangible divorce does not happen overnight, but is described as A Slow Fade. People may simply lose interest in each other, stop caring about each other, experience a growing apathy and simply withdraw into their own lives.
It may occur naturally over a period of time without them even realizing that they’re caught up, not in a legal divorce with the attendant legal ramifications and financial fiasco, but the silent type, just like a submarine that slips beneath the waves silently.
For some couples it begins when the romance stops. When the romance goes, that’s usually when the intangible divorce begins.
And even though the term is new and all sorts of fancy phrases are used to define and explain it, the intangible divorce has been around for a very long time. Just like hypertension and diabetes, many people are walking around in an intangible divorce with no symptoms.
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