Mothers are special, and children hold them near and dear to their hearts as that love is deep, lasting and unconditional. Mothers often have to raise children all by themselves, and the plight of the single mother is well known among many societies. It’s a difficult task, yet many mothers do it with grace, dignity, strength and love for the child. And yet, in many cases somehow it doesn’t turn out well for the child, especially if it’s a boy, for strong though she may be, a mother cannot be a father, and boys need fathers.
Raising a child can be extremely challenging, extremely difficult and is no walk in the park. Having both parents is preferred, but even with that there is no guarantee. So if even when the ideal situation does not work, you can just imagine what can happen in a less than ideal environment.
What happens though, when a mother takes on the role of being a father in a boy’s life? Well, in a lot of situations, it turns out very badly for the son, and subsequently the mother too. Admittedly, many of these women have no choice, for many fathers become absent for various reasons.
Some mothers do not want the fathers to have any input or influence over the sons, apart from fulfilling financial obligations, and they take on the mantle of being not only a mother, but also a father.
Her influence on the boy is pervasive and as a result, because that’s all that he’s exposed to, it’s all that he knows. He only sees things from his mother’s perspective and has no testosterone feeding in to him to fuel his masculinity.
I have seen young boys of age four sitting down on the toilet to pee, for that is what they were exposed to. The mother sees nothing wrong with it and accepts if not encourages this practice until the boy goes to the outside world and observes how other boys and men pee standing up.
The issue of sissyfying and marginalizing our boys has been a burning one for many years now. One area that contributes to this is the spoiling of the boys, spoilt rotten is the term. Many mothers spoil their sons and allow them to get away with everything. When he becomes out of control, the usual response is, “Oh, I just can’t manage him.”
That boy grows up with a feeling of entitlement, as the mother keeps on giving him everything that he wants, everything that he asks for, and she never says no to his unquenchable demands. If the father dares to step in to offer any influence or advice, he is cursed and chased away.
There is the story of the criminal who was about to be hanged and his last request was that his mother come near so that he could tell her something. When she did so, he bit off her ear and said, “If you had brought me up the proper way I would not be in this situation.”
So, many of those boys grow up with a warped view of reality, thinking that the world owes them and should always give them what they want.
They take this attitude way up into adulthood, still expecting to be pampered and facilitated by their mother. It manifests itself in the boy’s attitude towards life. He jumps from one school to the next, always blaming the institutions for his behaviour. He tries everything, never settling down on any one, always changing jobs and blaming the boss, for the world is to blame and not his mother who keeps on defending his behaviour.
Many mothers treat their sons differently than they do their daughters, resulting in the girls being more rounded and ambitious than the boys. Our tertiary institutions reflect this, as the ratio of girls to boys in our universities is three to one.
Why do so many women treat their sons differently than they do their daughters? Sometimes they treat their sons almost like lovers, to fill the gap of the absent father. But mothers can’t father.
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